You’re not broken. You’re just in a season where your inner world is louder than your outer one.
There comes a point in healing—whether you’re navigating trauma, grief, recovery, or a long stretch of emotional unraveling—where it feels like you’ve forgotten how to be a person. Conversations feel awkward. Small talk feels fake. And the heaviness inside you feels like it’s sitting at the table with you, whether you speak it aloud or not.
You might start to pull away.
Not because you don’t love the people around you.
Not because you don’t want connection.
But because you don’t know what to say anymore that won’t sound like too much.
If you’re in this space right now, you’re not alone. You’re not dramatic. You’re not selfish.
You’re simply in a season of deep transformation—and that comes with a certain kind of quiet.
Why This Happens
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Your brain is full. When healing is active, your mind is processing nonstop. Reflecting, analyzing, unlearning, grieving. There’s little bandwidth left for casual connection.
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You feel “different” now. The things you used to talk about might feel irrelevant or even triggering. The version of you from before is shedding, and this new version is still growing in.
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You’re afraid of being too much. Maybe you worry you’ll dominate the conversation. Maybe you don’t want to be the “heavy” friend. So you say nothing. And silence becomes isolation.
But here’s the truth:
You’re not boring. You’re not a burden. You’re just in the middle of becoming.
How to Cope When You Feel This Way
1. Name It Without Apologizing
Try this:
“I’ve been a little quiet lately. Not because I don’t care, but because I’ve been working through a lot internally. Still, I’d love to connect.”
This sets the tone. You’re making space for authenticity and connection, without needing to overshare.
2. Find One Person or Place to Be Fully Honest
You don’t have to bring your whole healing process into every interaction. But you do need one safe space where you can say, “This is what’s real for me.” Whether it’s a therapist, a close friend, or even an online support group—give your inner world a home.
That way, you don’t feel like you’re carrying it into every conversation.
3. Keep a “Pocket List” of Topics That Feel Lighter
It’s easy to believe you have nothing to talk about—but that’s usually not true. Try starting a note in your phone with:
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A show or podcast you’re enjoying
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A book you loved (or hated)
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A random question you’d ask someone: What’s your comfort meal? What song always lifts your mood?
This gives your mind something to reach for when you're in social situations.
4. Ask More Questions Than You Answer
Sometimes, the best way to feel connected is to take the focus off yourself. Try:
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“What’s been bringing you joy lately?”
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“What’s something you’ve been learning or curious about?”
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“What’s something totally random that made you laugh recently?”
Letting someone else open up creates space for warmth without the pressure to perform.
5. Let Joy Have a Seat at the Table, Too
One of the things that’s been saving me lately? Comedy.
Laughter has become my pressure valve—the thing that reminds me I’m still allowed to feel light, even in the middle of deep work. Stand-up specials, silly movies, and especially Amy Poehler’s podcast have been little lifelines. That podcast is something I look forward to each week because it feels light, free, and genuinely enjoyable.
We don’t always need to talk about our healing to be living it.
Sometimes, simply letting yourself enjoy something—without overthinking it—is the healing.
Laughter is medicine. Joy is resilience. Lightness is not avoidance—it’s a form of self-support.
If you’re in the thick of it right now, ask yourself:
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What makes me laugh without trying?
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What could I look forward to this week that’s light and freeing?
Let that be part of your process.
6. Remember: You’re Not Supposed to Be On All the Time
You’re not here to entertain. Or fix. Or even impress.
You’re allowed to be quiet.
You’re allowed to show up imperfectly.
You’re allowed to say, “I’m just glad to be here.”
Gentle Practices for This Season
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Ground before social interactions. A few deep breaths, hand on heart, feet on the floor. Remind your body: It’s safe to be seen even when I’m tender.
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Choose one small act of connection per week. A text. A voice memo. A short phone call. Start small. Build the muscle.
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Let silence be okay. Sometimes presence is enough. You don’t need the perfect words to matter.
A Reminder to Carry With You:
You are not too much. You are not behind. You are not broken for needing space to become someone new.
This season will not last forever.
But the self you’re meeting here?
She’s someone worth knowing.
If You’re Struggling Right Now, Try This:
Close your eyes and say:
“I don’t need to be fully healed to be worthy of connection. I just need to show up with honesty, tenderness, and breath.”
Then send one message. To one person. That simply says:
“Hey, I’m thinking of you. Just wanted to say hi.”
Start there. That’s enough.
