For most of my life, food was something to fear.
It was a math problem to solve, a test I could fail, a silent tally of what I needed to “burn off” or “earn.” I would eat so quickly — half out of guilt, half out of compulsion — that I barely tasted the beautiful meals in front of me. Social gatherings overwhelmed me. Certain foods terrified me. I lived with a constant, gnawing anxiety around what was “okay” and what wasn’t.
I spent years stuck in this loop, ruled by the OCD part of me that wanted to restrict, control, and micromanage every bite. But once I started healing — once I faced these anxieties and allowed myself to truly experience food again — I did something I never thought I would: I fell back in love with food.
And it’s been one of the most freeing, joyful experiences of my life.
Discovering the Joy of Eating Again
Falling back in love with food meant slowing down.
It meant giving myself permission to savor — not rush. To taste — not tally. To explore new textures and spices, to cook colorful meals with herbs I couldn’t even pronounce a few years ago. It meant gathering around tables with friends and family, trying foods from different cultures, and remembering how deeply human it is to share a meal.
I started looking forward to dinners with loved ones, brunch dates, trying hole-in-the-wall restaurants or new recipes at home. I learned to tune into all five senses: the sizzle in the pan, the scent of garlic, the vibrant colors on my plate, the satisfying texture, the dance of flavors across my tongue.
Food became art. Food became connection. Food became love.
The Science: Why Food Without Fear Feels So Good
It’s not just emotional — there’s real research showing how eating in a state of calm joy changes everything.
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Digestion: When we eat in a relaxed, present state, our parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” system) is activated. This means we digest better, absorb more nutrients, and have fewer gut issues. Eating under stress? It diverts blood away from digestion, slows enzyme production, and can lead to bloating, discomfort, and nutrient malabsorption.
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Brain chemistry: Sharing meals with others triggers the release of oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”) and dopamine (the “pleasure” chemical). When we enjoy food without guilt, our brains reinforce positive experiences, helping break cycles of anxiety or compulsive thinking.
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Longevity & happiness: Blue Zones — the regions of the world where people live the longest, healthiest lives — all center around shared, joyful meals. They eat slowly, often with family and friends, turning meals into rituals of connection and celebration.
From Fear to Freedom: How I Experience Food Now
Today, I don’t worry about what I have to “burn off” later.
I don’t feel desperate around food — like I have to inhale it quickly before guilt kicks in. I don’t scan the table at parties in a panic.
Instead, I look forward to trying new things. I relish the laughter over a charcuterie board, the warm comfort of fresh bread, the delight of a sauce that tastes like nothing I’ve ever had before. I love making new dishes with bold flavors, gathering around the kitchen island with people I love, and feeling fully alive.
Food is no longer the enemy. It’s a source of joy, creativity, exploration, and human connection.
A Love Letter to Your Own Food Journey
If you’re still living in fear of food, I see you. I know how heavy it feels.
But I also want you to know there is another side — a life where food can be a source of pleasure and peace, not panic. Where you can fall in love with the colors on your plate, the crunch and sweetness, the way a meal shared feels like a hug for your nervous system.
It takes time to rebuild trust with yourself and with food. Be gentle. Start small. Try new spices. Eat slowly. Notice the textures. Invite someone you love to cook with you. Let food be what it’s always meant to be: nourishment for your body, delight for your senses, and a beautiful way to bond with others.
Because there’s so much joy waiting for you on the other side of fear — and so much life to taste.
If this resonates…
If you’re on this path, know that you’re not alone. I’ve walked it. I’m still walking it. And I promise you: falling back in love with food is one of the sweetest romances you’ll ever have.
